Nov. 27th, 2008

qwiddity: (Sad)
I went to see Sir Roger Moore at this old theater called the "Hayden Orpheum" in Cremorne last week and I thought I'd mention that I got to ask him a question in front of the entirely too packed audience (there were people in the aisles). Because my knees were shaking with the prospect of having to raise my voice through a microphone in public I prefaced it with something lame about how my father always used to show me the old James Bond films, then asked whether he had any interest in seeing the new ones that have been coming out lately.

Sir Moore responded adroitly, saying that Daniel Craig (who plays Bond in the newest films I believe) gave an admirable performance in Casino Royale, but that in order to see it he had to purchase it on DVD. His wife, who is "Swedish and has a good memory" turned around and gave me a rather strange look which I could only have misinterpreted. All in all an interesting evening. My chaperon had his copy of "My Word Is My Bond" signed by Sir Moore and we went upon our merry way, but not before I'd mentioned that I was hoping against hope that he'd said he didn't really have much interest in the new films. Mainly because if he had said something of that order I would have been able to say that I wasn't going to see it because hey, Sir Roger Moore said he wasn't all that interested so how good could it be?

The last film I went to see in a cinema was "Wall-E" (by Pixar for Disney). Its been some time since I've been to see an adult-oriented film I really wanted to, and it would be nice to think that James Bond hadn't been totally corrupted by the obviously pressing need to market various products such as cars, perfume, guns, mobile phones, etc. As well as fashion services such as designer hairstyles, suits, frocks, shoes... the list goes on. Once upon a time things like microchips were plot elements and my how times have changed.

Its not enough that we pay money to see the films which production houses use to make more films advertising the same stuff, we must now be aware of our civic duty to buy (buy 'n' large). Your money injected into corporations produces more things that you will be told you need, therefore you must continue to spend as it is the only way the economy will be stimulated. Remember only to buy the things you are told you want, rather than the things you need. You are all free; to do as you are told!
qwiddity: (Default)
"Chell, how can I tell if that cowboy is a 'real' cowboy?"

"Simple. Just ask to examine the insides of his thighs and buttocks for riding calluses and if you wake up in an ambulance then he could be a 'real' cowboy."
qwiddity: (Default)
I'd like to clarify a dilemma for all the westerners who don't understand whats going on when they try to ask asian people whether what they're buying or doing is good, culturally appropriate, or downright imbecilic. Staring at you in stony silence or pretense at misunderstanding is EXACTLY the same as laughing uproariously at the round-eyed idiot.
qwiddity: (Default)
How to write a novel:
• Create a working title and a summary of your story
• Choose which category (plot-driven, character driven, or epic) and plot type
• Create new characters - define them as either a hero, antagonist or extra
• Describe the places or settings
• Describe any relevant objects or tools
• Describe the storyline chapter by chapter using dramatic principles
Begin writing...

There are problems in the world bigger and older than most of it.

For instance, tattoos and piercings: an existential need to resanctify corporeality in a "virtual" world, or simply entrancing skin adornments? While I'm on the subject if you have clear over several thousands of dollars worth of new tattoos, PLEASE for the love of all that is good don't take up collecting for charity as it just makes you appear a complete tool in public.

If you're really busy and don't have time to breathe, you should try refocusing your chi. When that doesn't work, try refocusing your eyes, that might work better. If by this point you've fallen unconscious because you're still not breathing, wake up and finish this sentence then try refocusing your aura, dendrites, and entire personality.

Since we're fast heading into the silly season of Christmas I'd like to take a break to talk about Easter, a far less culturally absurd phenomenon where instead of remembering a story about a deified baby we all participate in a mass consumer-driven hysteria involving chocolate and candy in the shape of eggs delivered in baskets by a giant rabbit. When I was a child I thought I'd missed something because I was sure that hens, in fact, layed eggs, whereas rabbits only laid baby rabbits. Now that I'm an adult I'm far more willing to suspend my biological disbelief if it means an excuse for gluttony.

Vicarious though this pleasure will be for me next year since after months of not eating chocolate very much I've lost the taste for it. This easter I will probably blow the albumen and yolk out of some eggs and decorate them, then hide them under various bushes around the neighbourhood in order to confuse and disappoint small children hunting for edible treats an imaginary anthropomorph left on the ground. This is one of the few times of year parents remember what it was like to be a child enough to actually encourage their children to eat what they find instead of telling them "Don't take candy from strangers!" like rohypnol isn't their friendly night-nurse in the bathroom cabinet.

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Nova Aurata Quiddity

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