holy mary mother of god I am so aware of my mortality right now

I've heard that when you take lots of drugs that are fat-soluble then some of the drugs or metabolites of the drugs wind up in your accumulated fat. Something else I've heard then follows logically, that when you exercise to the point where you are burning said fat that those chemicals are released back into the bloodstream giving you what I can only imagine would be a pleasant high from, say, running like you want to catch a bus when your watch is five minutes slow.

I just ran until I had to put my head between my knees in order not to throw up. A pleasant high did NOT occur, and I feel immensely cheated.

If the scholar be not grave, they will not call forth any veneration

Occasionally I call up youtube and enjoy listening to "Love Train" by the O'Jays. It takes me back to a simpler, happier time when I wasn't even alive.

This joke works best in two-party preferred systems of politics:
A Republican discovered a friend to be a Democrat and asked "Why would anyone want to be a Democrat?"
"I agree with their policies," the Democrat responded, "and my father was one also."
The Republican laughed. "What if your father was a monkey? THEN what would you be?"
"A Republican." the Democrat replied.

Almost every system ever developed in corporate information technology is designed to fuck people over. This is probably because in the early years this technology was primarily military in scope; so advances were only made in the field because old farts saw it as a cheaper, more efficient way of killing young idiots.

For instance, automated systems are meant to simplify processes, overcome barriers to providing services, and cost probably four years worth of salaries from their conception to installation. To say nothing of the unending maintenence (necessary because irritated humans smash automated systems with hammers when simple requests made in plain english are misunderstood).