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qwiddityRunning for trains will be banned, on pain of being completely legally tripped down flights of stairs at stations.
All internet timeouts will be abolished, with no regard for whether this is a good thing.
All tyres will henceforth be "white-walled"; just because it will make the majority of modern cars look freaking ridiculous.
Bureaucrats working in any sort of office with fluorescent lighting will be obliged to describe their duties as "light surfing of the internet, coupled with heavy pornographing and the occasional meeting."
Mountain-climbing will be banned from the news unless base-jumping is involved, that way we'll have to hear less about the uncountable perils of climbing DOWN a mountain which nobody except mountaineers care much about.
Hats with those little umbrellas attached will be mandatory for all surfing performed on crowded public beaches (that way aggressive surfers, not wanting to look like idiots, will have to fuck off to secluded locations to surf like they are meant to).
Media magnates like Rupert Murdoch will be made to publicly apologise (perhaps posthumously) for having lived so long without making any apologies for being such control freaks.
Dictators like Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong-Il will be praised by delegates for the developed world in the United Nations general assembly for being "just so awe-inspiring" while their countries are simultaneously air-dropped with care packages of fine chocolates, baseball caps,
carbon-filtration water receptacles, and those sneakers with little lights in the heels.
Bill Bailey will not only win the Eurovision song contest every single year he is alive, he will be appointed emperor of England's west country.
The price of sweet, delicious, light crude oil will be fixed at $1 per barrel, or else uncle Sam's fleets of fighter-bombers will be given leave to go berserk on all refining-oriented governments (this will be hard to recognise for the current status quo).
Global warming will be considered, pondered, agreed upon in principle, then completely ignored. Business as usual, really.
People reviewing Hollywood disaster films in a negative light will be made to go stand in a hurricane to truly appreciate the majesty of nature.
Anyone who refers to television as "the opiate of the masses" will have theirs confiscated and replaced with a replica containing actual opiates.
All future Malthusian catastrophes will be hailed as inevitable, and, heaven forfend, maybe planned for just a little. You know, for fun.
All internet timeouts will be abolished, with no regard for whether this is a good thing.
All tyres will henceforth be "white-walled"; just because it will make the majority of modern cars look freaking ridiculous.
Bureaucrats working in any sort of office with fluorescent lighting will be obliged to describe their duties as "light surfing of the internet, coupled with heavy pornographing and the occasional meeting."
Mountain-climbing will be banned from the news unless base-jumping is involved, that way we'll have to hear less about the uncountable perils of climbing DOWN a mountain which nobody except mountaineers care much about.
Hats with those little umbrellas attached will be mandatory for all surfing performed on crowded public beaches (that way aggressive surfers, not wanting to look like idiots, will have to fuck off to secluded locations to surf like they are meant to).
Media magnates like Rupert Murdoch will be made to publicly apologise (perhaps posthumously) for having lived so long without making any apologies for being such control freaks.
Dictators like Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong-Il will be praised by delegates for the developed world in the United Nations general assembly for being "just so awe-inspiring" while their countries are simultaneously air-dropped with care packages of fine chocolates, baseball caps,
carbon-filtration water receptacles, and those sneakers with little lights in the heels.
Bill Bailey will not only win the Eurovision song contest every single year he is alive, he will be appointed emperor of England's west country.
The price of sweet, delicious, light crude oil will be fixed at $1 per barrel, or else uncle Sam's fleets of fighter-bombers will be given leave to go berserk on all refining-oriented governments (this will be hard to recognise for the current status quo).
Global warming will be considered, pondered, agreed upon in principle, then completely ignored. Business as usual, really.
People reviewing Hollywood disaster films in a negative light will be made to go stand in a hurricane to truly appreciate the majesty of nature.
Anyone who refers to television as "the opiate of the masses" will have theirs confiscated and replaced with a replica containing actual opiates.
All future Malthusian catastrophes will be hailed as inevitable, and, heaven forfend, maybe planned for just a little. You know, for fun.
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-01 08:52 am (UTC)*chuckle*, that amused me greatly.
I just wanted to drop a comment, since its really interesting to see you posting to LJ. I used to chat with you back on IRC Efnet many years ago, under the handle of KristaBWarren, I think.(Or maybe just KristaB). I used to keep your old website bookmarked for the longest time, and think I found your LJ(albeit unused) through there, and then removed the bookmark when your site went down. (quiddity.org? net? I cant remember...)
Just wanted to say HI, hope life is treating you well!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-02 09:38 pm (UTC)When the old website went the way of the dodo and I realised that the main content was my musings and essays my website became my livejournal, so I'm doubly glad you've found it!
no subject
Date: 2008-12-03 07:05 am (UTC)I had this sudden mental image of a television set shooting hypodermic syringes filled with morphine at whoever sits in front of it. A great idea for a piece of dynamic modern art, I'd say. I can imagine the reviews.
Hell, eighty years ago such a device would have been perfectly legal. These days you'd have to fill them with candy and use rubber needles, and it would still get banned.
That's what TV has actually done to us; made us crazy with fear and paranoia. Doesn't that make it the meth of the masses instead?