qwiddity | Brisbane Nightlife - The Nutshell Guide

(as opposed to the "The Nutcase Guide" I suppse, for lack of a better reference).

Also, most of the information herein is not attributable in many ways to myself, but I have proofed it and altered as I felt necessary. Onwards!

If you want to see girls in skimpy, bright clothes and listen to music that goes *doof, doof, doof* all night, go to Family (choice of toffs, poofs or the otherwise trendily alternative) or The Empire (which is pretty much the same as admitting you're not as "with it" as the in crowd you'd see up the street).
If you want to wear your suit with pride and drink cocktails with all the other 'wanna-be's' who never 'will be' go to The Press Club or the Hamilton Hotel.
If you want to get laid, go to Fridays, The Victory or Adrenaline. If you want to get kissed on the cheek by a drunken old German man, go to Dooleys, Gilhooleys or PJ O'Briens (by now, you should be spotting a trend here). Apparently the newly formed R-Bar is heading the same way, with a high percentage of first-year university students comprising the clientele.
If you want to get kissed by a Pissed Public Servant go to Irish Murphy's on a Friday afternoon, or any afternoon when a special event calls for a longer-than-usual lunchtime, such as Melbourne Cup day.
If you want to hang out with frightening looking goths who are really quite nice to talk to, go to the Shamrock Hotel. Or then again there's always Dooley's for scary bikers, truckies, and other people who might offer you shots or a toke on a J while you're ordering at the bar, just so that you know its a rough place to frequent.
If you wanna pick up within the first 10 minutes of arriving, you can always try the vast array of aussie chicks who can't dance to save themselves or their dignity at either City Rowers or Alice's.
For those living further south, there's always Beenleigh Tavern or anywhere in Logan. All you have to do is call out "Donna!!" or "Cheryl!!" and you'll be right mate.
If you want to wear black dress pants, tight coloured shirts with six of your mates in the same gear and drink imported beers, go to The Rat and Parrot or the GPO.
If you want to see the absolute scum of the earth - go to Auroras. If you drive a WB Ute complete with bull bar, 2 meter UHF aerial, "Shoot Ferals", "Get Real Get Wool" and/or "Fight Crime, Shoot Back" stickers, wear RM's, moleskins & chambray shirts but have never travelled further west than Edgecliff and claim your family was originally "from the land", go to the Breakfast Creek Hotel.
If you'd like to see young people of indeterminate genders in white pants with dirty patches on the knees you need look no further than The Beat. One of the few places where the pickup Line "Hi, I'm 16," (and it works!) is still around.
If you want a cheap feed that doesn't taste like crap, go to The Norman Hotel for steaks. You can dead-set afford to eat out now every night.
If you wanna pose with your oiled up pecs and shiny tight shirts, or go clubbing in stiletto heels - step this way for pretty anywhere in the Valley .
If you don't want to have to shave that mono-brow, think peroxide spikes are sexy, or otherwise have no idea, there are any number of inner city pubs-gone-clubs. You know the ones, two coloured lights a disco ball, some drunken office workers on the dance-floor pissed as.... The Brittania, CBD or the Criterion is the one for you.
If you know f*#k-all about music, or have atrocious taste, but like the idea of kids on drugs, you might be tempted by one of Brisbane's fabulous raves! The Arena's where its all happening, baby.
If you miss your old barn dances go for the TAV, (Ferny Grove tavern to the uninitiated) it really has to be seen to be believed though doesn't it? If you still wanna something different, try going to Hotel LA ... the place where Aqua's "Barbie Girl" is classified as 'techno'.
Last but not least, if you're a desperado and keen as and it's getting late (maybe you've just read through all of this), then just go to Mary Street Nightclub! Famous for the cases of unprovoked assault occuring outside the main entrance, and the cases of provoked insult (with accompanying aggravated ear injury) inside.