I think I need help

I can't stop feeling depressed. The times have gone where I would just medicate these feelings away but since New Year's Eve I can't help continually feeling terrible. I had a bad time at an event I went to which required a lot of organisation and when I got there I completely failed to enjoy myself at all. My friends were worried about me and I couldn't give voice to my feelings. I'm not sure I know how to enjoy myself lately, when I try I seem to get into a depressive state which will not lift, from the depths of which its hard to take anything but sardonic enjoyment in things I would normally enjoy.

My friend once told me she felt I was "so profoundly damaged" she wondered if I would ever be healed. Its like I've been mutilated physically and consequently stunted emotionally and mentally. Taking a more holistic view would be to say I'm damaged spiritually. I'm not sure I can heal from this, maybe its something I'll carry with me forever, but I'm not sure I can bear it. I will not let myself contemplate suicide, it robs me of any enjoyment I might take in my remaining moments of life. Without release from feeling this way I will just get more bitter, twisted, crazily antisocial and misanthropic. I hate myself most of all those are the words which spring to mind to describe myself.

So yes, after reading what I've just written its obvious I need help, and just to make it perfectly clear, this is one of those "cry for help" things you read about before people go completely off the rails, upset their apple cart, go out on a limb before falling from their tree, etc.