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Well, my body is having another go at kicking out this infection (viral nature my arse, stupid doctor, you can tell she bumbled her way through medical school), which is leaving me stupidly tired and sleepy all afternoon, as well as having issues with the world.
I have this tendency to get incredibly depressed about situations involving myself before I enter an objective stage and begin situational analysis. I'm currently moving from depressed to analysing whats going on in my head right now.
Its at times like this when the lack of mindreading skills in the world annoys me immensely.
Allow if you will, the image of somone like me with so many undiagnosed mental disorders that I can't count them anymore being allowed to play in a grownup world with all the things that threaten to destroy me out there, as well as the truth.
Ah, stuff this being obtuse. I just wish I could tell other people's reactions to the things I say more accurately, before I say those things. Specifically, this might allow me to have a conversation with Rani which didn't lead to her getting upset at me.
I feel incredibly depressed about this, too. Its not like I need to be a mentor and give advice in order to feel complete, and I'm always careful about the language that I use.
Rani is too; in that I can tell in an instant from her tone of voice, word choice and body language when exactly I've offended her, and often I know intrinsically what I've said which elicits that response, but often its something which is the only thing either my conscience or thought logic will let me rationally say.
Of course I could lie through my teeth, or just say nothing - probably the easiest thing to do by far. Why don't I do that? Simple, I love her, and wish only the best for her and want to see her happy as much as possible. So I blurt out things without thought for the consequences. Maybe it will be worthwhile if by hating me something good comes of it for her.
This is so screwed up, I'm more of a mental mess than scrambled egg. But what the hell else can I do (short of crying and throwing lots of breakables against the wall) ?
I have this tendency to get incredibly depressed about situations involving myself before I enter an objective stage and begin situational analysis. I'm currently moving from depressed to analysing whats going on in my head right now.
Its at times like this when the lack of mindreading skills in the world annoys me immensely.
Allow if you will, the image of somone like me with so many undiagnosed mental disorders that I can't count them anymore being allowed to play in a grownup world with all the things that threaten to destroy me out there, as well as the truth.
Ah, stuff this being obtuse. I just wish I could tell other people's reactions to the things I say more accurately, before I say those things. Specifically, this might allow me to have a conversation with Rani which didn't lead to her getting upset at me.
I feel incredibly depressed about this, too. Its not like I need to be a mentor and give advice in order to feel complete, and I'm always careful about the language that I use.
Rani is too; in that I can tell in an instant from her tone of voice, word choice and body language when exactly I've offended her, and often I know intrinsically what I've said which elicits that response, but often its something which is the only thing either my conscience or thought logic will let me rationally say.
Of course I could lie through my teeth, or just say nothing - probably the easiest thing to do by far. Why don't I do that? Simple, I love her, and wish only the best for her and want to see her happy as much as possible. So I blurt out things without thought for the consequences. Maybe it will be worthwhile if by hating me something good comes of it for her.
This is so screwed up, I'm more of a mental mess than scrambled egg. But what the hell else can I do (short of crying and throwing lots of breakables against the wall) ?
