qwiddity: (Default)
I'm annoyed and discouraged in relationships with my fellow humans. I think most people are a waste of breathable oxygen, I don't make friends easily, yet being unfriendly is something I despise. These things In combination build to feeling paralysed in terms of being able to create and sustain nurturant friendly relations with people my own age, younger, or older.

Despite this, I believe it is the responsibility of healthy adults to create and sustain relationships among themselves which are nurturant. How can I reconcile that not many of my current relationships are sustainable with the requirement that they be so?

I will no longer travel to benefit anyone except myself. I have committed to far too much travel in the last six months which did not directly benefit me and in many case was the very antithesis of beneficial (such as my journey to Canberra to place my demented grandfather in aged care). I will no longer care for others when it requires my well-being be discounted.

I don't think I want to do martial arts for awhile. I had been enjoying it immensely but in the last two weeks I have been injured twice. Its hard to enjoy an activity which hurts you, and harder still to train with and enjoy the company of people who have (albeit unintentionally) caused you injury.

I wish to be taken as a blessing, rather than for granted. I wish to feel necessary, rather than an addition. In my relationships I want to feel essential to the well-being of others, as I feel others are essential to me.


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Nova Aurata Quiddity

June 2017

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