My hoped for lightening of mood from apologies and unburdening of secrets has arrived ahead of any expected schedule. Still feeling a little sad, but there is much more hope. Have used far less medications in the last 48 hours, not feeling the best physically but that's okay - last night I slept naturally without the help of medications for the first time in weeks. Tomorrow I will be able to go home and lie in the pool, then take a long relaxing shower, and rest in my own bed. I wish I had someone to share that thing with sometimes. Still lonely, but I feel better, the process of opening up to people, one person and several people in particular which I've initiated will definitely be a long one, with some failure to reconnect but so far much more success than I'd anticipated. Am hoping to express my feelings for someone which I've had since 2014 soon. Admitting that rather than express affection I'd rather be abusive to excuse my withdrawal and isolation coping mechanisms is very hard. I hate to think what I've put people who feel close to me through, I can't excuse it, but I can try to change my ways. Today am just playing video games with friends, and I took a nap on their couch for almost two hours while downloading a 68GB game, they've gotten so over-large in some cases. I really enjoy video games, I wish I had a system capable of playing them well, as soon as I'm more financially secure next year that will be a goal to achieve. My new year's resolutions are to continue the trend of open honest conduct in an effort to change myself into someone I like more completely.