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Preparing crab cakes as per an SBS network Food Safari episode from the USA where Mauve O'Mara interviews a man who gives his recipe for Chesapeake Bay crab cakes in a New Orleans style with a spicy Remoulade. Very delicious, but called for a handful of parsley. Usually there was parsley growing in the garden but today it along with several other plants which haven't been faring well have been removed by the new gardening service. Lacking parsley, I defaulted to dried herbs but decided to pick a sprig of mint from the lone remaining plant. Uncustomarily, I didn't take the time to shake the sprig before going inside. I will never forget this action again. Further, my washing of the herbs was unsufficiently attentive to detail, something I will never again omit, but moreso the vigorous shaking of freshly-picked herbs. Back inside the kitchen, slicing the mint I noticed a small green caterpillar, and had time to pull the knife back, but was in that state of flow that motor neurons activated by the cerebellum provide and was unable to stop... gashing the poor creature almost clean through, in what would probably be around the area of the thorax-head. Mortally wounded, it thrashed and seemed to exclaim its utter distress. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't... I was careless. I'm sorry."
Suddenly anthropically personified through apology, the tiny thing seemed to regard me through black eyes the size of pinprincks "You were careless? My life! My beautiful life! I was supposed to have been a butterfly... my life. I wanted my life." as, in possession of a nervous system or not, it writhed as the juices of its tiny life flowed outwards through the gigantic wound.
"I'm sorry." suddenly tearing up with remorse that my lack of attention had callously murdered this tiny thing, I tried to put a quicker end to its suffering, and probably even messed that up.
Moments of carelessness like this don't often cause eye-watering emotional pain, but there is the occasional exception however irrational it is. In this case, it was a caterpillar, which was eating the mint plant, and a small insect which any number of other animals which populate the garden would have eaten without a second thought. In the end, it's more the inattention leading to the needless death which can unnesscessarily burden the soul. Certainly I don't think a desire for minted peas was rooted in much but innocent intentions, but for the sake of how testing these experiences are sometimes, executing my intentions will involve more care.

Careless Actions

Date: 2016-01-17 02:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] partyrunes.livejournal.com
This last summer i was traveling down a country road. I had seen a few deer already. One deer ran on the road and stopped. It turned around to leave the road the way it came. I hit the breaks. It was like slow motion. It got caught up in my bumper as i was slowing down. It kinda skidded out away and i steered away coming to a stop some ways away yet.
I got out and just felt so bad.
It died fast.
I yelled outloud "I'm sorry" several times.
In the predawn skys still not all blue with just me and the road i was so alone. I felt as if nothing ever mattered ever.
I got back in the van and drove off.

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